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October 4, 2010
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Secret. 8890 by DeviantArtSecret Secret. 8890 by DeviantArtSecret
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:iconcheesearoonidoo:
Cheesearoonidoo Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2010
I know exactly how that is. I'm 16 and I've been in the same position for years, only my parents are just now splitting. My mom is leaving my sister and me with our dad because of school, and for years I have been the one to listen to them vent, make sure they don't drive drunk, keep tabs on where they are and make sure they're fine, and I haven't had a single summer where I haven't watched my sister every day in about 5 years. And the worst part is, is that I'm turning bitter and my little sister and I don't even like each other anymore. I resent the situation. I'm only hoping that things end up better like others say it will. Good luck to you, I wish you the best.
Reply
:iconverve-soliloquy:
Verve-Soliloquy Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2010  Professional General Artist
17 here, and in the same boat. My input- No. It's not fair to you to take care of people who should be taking care of themselves (Dad, that is). As far as cooking, cleaning, and babysitting, those things come with age and responsibility, but at 16, it's my belief that we, as teenagers, also need strong social and life developments outside of the house, achieving a balance between work and life. But for now, you could a) talk to your dad about it, or b) tough it out, and go straight off to college when you graduate. If I may speak frankly: I am getting my butt the hell out of here the minute I graduate this year. I'm just going, and nothing's going to stop me. So in the midst of all of the things you have to deal with, remember that school is most important, because it can literally get you out of your situation in two short years- and yes, if you focus on school, they ARE short. Good luck, ST.
Reply
:iconebolabears:
EbolaBears Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2010
Gotta talk to dad and let him know you're 16.

Look for support groups in your area.

Plus find a way to vent stress so it's not all bottled up.
Reply
:iconxxveroinxx:
XxVeroinxX Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2010  Hobbyist Photographer
You'll have the time to be a responsible parent in the future...
You need to live a teenage life now,and your dad should take care of things.He's the grown up there.I think you should speak up.
And of course,I adore you for being so responsible.But it's time for him to be a man,and a father.
Reply
:iconpaperjamdipper:
PaperJamDipper Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2010
I'm only thirteen and it's the exact same thing.
My Dad went to Australia in May, and a week ago we saw him for the first time.
He and my sister fought, and screamed, and I had to sit down, listen to my sister complain about how childish Dad is. Listen to Dad apolgise to me for the way my sister acts, and vent about her being childish.
Both of you, shut up.
I AM the child
so why must I be the adult? ST, you'll get through it, By the end of this all, you'll be appreciated.
Reply
:iconhmmadewell:
hmmadewell Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2010
I understand completly, my mom died when I was 10, and then I was okay with doing the housework. But now that I'm in high school it's getting in the way of school and social life. Sometimes I get mad too, because my older brother is allowed to go places and get things, but I can't go to a chior practice after school or go somewhere with friends without being interregated.

I'v also become surrogate mother to my 7-year-old brother and 18-year-old Downs-Syndrome sister.

I'm a freshman, fourteen-year-old, middle child, with one judjmental, insane father.
Feel free to contact if you need someone to sympathise with.
Reply
:iconaddicted2manga:
Addicted2Manga Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2010
I know how you feel
my parents haven't split
but it gets rocky and my mother runs out of people to talk to
or can only talk to me about it
about how tempted she is to pack up and leave
it hurts me and makes me stress and worry
sometimes cry myself to sleep
but I'd rather she tell me and me comfort her than be left in the dark

I just wish it wasn't so
Reply
:iconthe-seventh-sage:
The-Seventh-Sage Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2010  Professional Writer
*Raises hand*
I had to... well, I still do, take care of my mom.
I know how you feel :).
Reply
:icontinybat:
TinyBat Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2010
You're right it's not. The freak'in sad part is, that's life. You can try to talk to your Dad and explain that you're not ready to take on this role, you're still a kid. Honestly though, this it just the way it ends up sometimes. Be strong, you are appreciated.
Reply
:icongoatsocks:
GoatSocks Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2010  Student Digital Artist
it's rough, but you'll get through. you and your siblings will be much closer because of it. trust me. =)
Reply
:iconcrispyfrieduke:
CrispyFriedUke Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2010
I still do this every day, I feel your pain ST. Ever since I was twelve, I've been the mom, and I'll be 18 in May.

My mother tries to get me to move 40 miles away from my home to live with her, telling me that my father 'treats me more like a mistress than his child'.
My Friends used to call me Cinderella, The Stepford Wife, or Donna Reed.

I've had two therapists and a church councilor tell me time and time again "You don't have to be the mom, you don't have to be the mom" But I've grown so used to it I don't know how to stop.
If you ever need someone to talk to who's where you are now, Note me. I'm serious. Please don't hesitate to if you need someone.
Reply
:iconjaboodi:
jaboodi Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2010
That really sucks. My parents split when I was 14 and although I haven't had to take on many housework responsibilities I hae been there while my parents have been venting and bitching about each other and I hate it.

If you ever need to talk then note me :) Even if you just want a girly chat XD (I'm guessing you're a girl because you said 'mother'(:)
Reply
:iconakuru-kougasaki:
Akuru-Kougasaki Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2010
oh and umm sorry if i offended anyone here, but it's the truth. btw, dA secret...just like other people commented, I am here for you to listen or just to be a good friend if you want. ^_^ so note me anytime or i'll note you.
Reply
:iconakuru-kougasaki:
Akuru-Kougasaki Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2010
stay strong in the Lord, for He will guide your footsteps through ALL trials and troubles of life. He's brought people like this through the same situation for many years and He's still in business today ^_^ dontcha just love Jesus?
Reply
:icontepara:
Tepara Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2010  Hobbyist Photographer
My Mothers Father died when my Mum was 8 years old.
leaving my Nana, 6 girls and 1 boy to look after. Mum left school when she was 14 years old just because she had to get a job to help ends meet. My Aunty and Uncle who are the oldest, my Aunty was 13 at the time, and my Uncle was 15, they also took over the roll of being the missing parent.
Although its hard, and yes you deserve to have a childhood, sometimes life deals us a bad hand. Its not your fault, and remember things are just as hard if not harder for your parents, you just dont see everything.
I know it feels like you have to be the parent, to a point you are. And your right its not fair at all. But as mentioned sadly its life.
If you are really having so much problems with it, talk to a family member about it to see if they can help out at times so you dont feel its all on you all the time.

I wish you the best of luck St :hug:
Reply
:iconmiotas-sisceal:
Miotas-Sisceal Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm sorry you have to be the adult in this situation, ST :< My father left before I was born, so I can't offer advice like the others who know what you're going through can, but I hope it gets better for you. :hug:
Reply
:iconallykat08:
allykat08 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2010
I know how you feel. My parents recently split up, and my sister and I have taken on a lot of the baggage. Sure, she does a lot more than me, because she's two years older and actually has her license, but I try to help to. I even help her with her college homework and my younger brother with his.

But I totally agree; it's not fair. Nothing ever is.
Reply
:iconhentaibunnyinc:
hentaibunnyinc Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2010
Urgh, I know this too well, and my parents were still together at the time.

Just grin and bear it, hun. That's pretty much all you can do. It sucks now, but in a few years, you'll know how to handle yourself when you're on your own, and while you won't wish it on anyone else, you'll be thankful you went through it. Trust me.
Reply
:iconcatalystofthesoul:
CatalystOfTheSoul Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
My 'rents went through the same thing. You guys need to open communication between the both of you - it killed me until I had a good, loooong talk with my father. Things didn't change overnight, there were a few fights, and I did have to continue talking to him about stuff over and over, but, in the end...

I've never had a closer relationship with my dad in my life, and I'm loving it.
Reply
:iconredwolf41:
redwolf41 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2010  Student Writer
You get used to it. I was the parent figure for quite a while for my little sister. I started doing this when I was about 9 or 10. Now its just a mentality I've acquired. Its not fair, es, but its not bad either.
Reply
:iconjsplollypop:
jsplollypop Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2010  Hobbyist Photographer
You'll get used to it, ST. I've been the parent since my dad died and mom went into depression, so I feel you. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to note me at random =)
Reply
:iconalfredoproductions:
Alfredoproductions Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2010
My older sister was in the same position you had, first chance she got she moved to another state. Now I don't know exactly what was going through her head, but she came back to the our city 2 years later and now she's one of my closest friends and has been my motivation to do things in life, I would've never made it to college if I didn't have someone important in my life that went through shit and got through. I guess what I'm trying to say is that your position is hard and you didn't choose it, but please know that there are some good rewards for getting through it, your younger siblings admiration and potentially powerful motivation is just one of a lot.
Reply
:iconsamalakatal:
SamalaKatal Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Dear ST,
I have a friend who os the exact same way and has been since they were at oldest 13, her father also remarried and she now has a baby sister and another baby sibling on the way. For all I know you could be my darling friend, but either way, you should know that, although tough, although stressful, you are helping your family more then you can imagine, and everyone who knows of your experience knows that you are so strong and are prepared to listen if you need it.
My email is samala_katal@hotmail.com if you'd like to talk in confidence, I check it daily.
Sincerely,
~SK
Reply
:iconchio-elliker:
Chio-Elliker Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Same here. Its been like that since I was 11 or 12, and I'm 17 now. It is so not fair I know. No use in me complaining now, since Ill be out of the house soon.
Reply
:iconriddlemewitless:
riddlemewitless Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
i applaud you to no end for stepping up to those responsibilities.
you are a far better person than i could ever hope to be for doing that.
keep up the great work, it will be appreciated.
stay strong. and always have hope. :heart:
Reply
:iconmemoriesoferika:
MemoriesOfErika Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2010
=( I understand too well, ST. I live with my mom, and I have to act as the dad sometimes, helping by working to pay the bills, and yes, cleaning and cooking when she can't, watching my sister, helping her with homework, discipline, so on and so forth.

If mom needs an adult to vent to, someone who understands her problems enough to be yelled at for them? It's me. :shrug:

When my dad still came around to visit us, I was the mom. And because he was always abusive to her, both physically and verbally, you can guess how much I hated visitation. He took everything out on me. :pissed: (He didn't hit me, though.)

I had to protect my sister from his temper during all of it. Which, I'll always feel guilty for the times he scared her or made her cry...but I don't know how I could've done any better. =(

To be honest, I've been my sister's surrogate parent since 13. :shrug: Both my parents went to work and left me at home to cook, clean, potty train, and so forth. However, they split at 16, with a very violent divorce, so my life and yours are amazingly similar.

I'm almost 20 now, and I'm still doing it, but with all the hasty growing up I've done, I'm getting the hang of it, anyway. ^^; I don't blame my mom, (my dad, yes,) because I understand, she has no choice but to depend on me...

...But sometimes, I do get angry because, you're right, it's totally unfair. And I do resent it when she takes stuff out on me. =(

I'm really sorry, ST. :heart: If you need someone to vent to, who understands? (Believe me. I really, really do.) Come talk to me, ok? :hug:
Reply
:iconbreezyocean:
BreezyOcean Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2010  Student Digital Artist
its ok, everythings going to be ok, yes it sucks, hells frickin no its not fair at all, i live with my dad and sister as well (i think u mean u have a younger sibling) and its for sure not fair, but... someday it will end, someday u will be able to say "well, fuck you im going to be happy" and do what ever u please and not have to worry if someone has plans that day or if something needs to get done and just, be happy. stay strong ST, i believe in you, we can both get through this and have a wonderful future where were in control of our own lives. just wait, stay strong, just keep thinking " 2 more years, to more years" and take the little escapes from this life you have. :) (a.k.a if u get to hang out with friends or even school can be an escape, just.. look on the brightsides ok love?)
Reply
:iconpurpleumpa10:
purpleumpa10 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2010  Student General Artist
Being able to do this will pay off. I had to pay the bills when my mom was really sick and my dad was over the road. I agree it's not fair, and it eats your childhood, but there will be good in it one day. You just can't see it yet.
Reply
:iconbigfootmech:
Bigfootmech Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2010
Stay strong little one, one day you'll move away and have someone you deserve, and who in turn deserves you :)
Reply
:iconweiwushu:
WeiWuShu Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2010
My mum was in the same position when she was 13. Except her mother died (RIP). My mum had to do basically all of the house work afterwards. And her dad was very strict.
You should know that you will be fine.
I can't relate to you but I can give you a word of advice - tell your dad. That way he will know and he might help out here and there.
Reply
:iconihaveanalibi:
IhaveanAlibi Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2010
Nobody ever said life was fair! You get what you get either it be good or bad,and you handle it.

I understand your frustrated and maybe you should just tell your dad.
But ya know what,who else does your dad have? I'm the dad of the house at the moment,and the crazy thing is I'm the younger of the two siblings she choosed from.

She needed somebody who would agree with her,and knew she was most of the time right. And she needed somebody who could keep my older sister in control. I'm not saying it's easy but it probably is necessary.

So do what you think is right is the only answer I can tell you. :hug:
Reply
:iconmgillustrations:
MGillustrations Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2010   Traditional Artist
Ooh, no, it really isn't. Be a teenager, ST, not her replacement. D:
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