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I'm Fine"Are you okay?"
No. I'm dying. I have to push myself to wake up in the morning, and when I finally do, I want to go back to sleep. Even my best dreams are becoming nightmares. I can't taste food, I can't stand the things I used to love. I'm breaking. I'm fading. I'm dying.
DisappearWishing to disappear
never to existed in their mind
no reason to cheer
this is why I was designed
there's a cloud over me and its raining knives
all smiles are faked
no one hears his cry's
as he sits there shivers and shakes
doesn't even try to reach out because there's nothing there
only my own numb stare
no desire to fight the devils wrenches
would anyone notice if I could disappear
because Im starting to feel warm in these trenches
would they even shed a tear?
Sick of the acting
let me compost with the dirt
live????..... ill think Ill be passing
lets make sure this hurts
still wishing to disappear
lets seal this coffin with a drop of blood and a tear
Society is ScreamingSociety is screaming so loud, I can hear it internally
Inside my mind, bouncing off the boundaries
All the dishonor, poverty, lies and disgust sound eternally
I tell the world, warn them of this coming storm, they tell me it's imaginary
The ones who are here to help, they lie through their teeth and lungs
Lock me in, "fixing" me up, sending my mind reeling
Defiantly I fight, bare arms and legs, as they fill me with drugs
They've sent me so far from home, I'm so numb, I can't even feel my feelings
My mind is overflowing with images I don't own
I remain silent, let them believe it's working
Moving slowly through this twisted life I now know
Don't let them in, your soul is still here, in the shadows, lurking
I somber out of the bright white building, fake hope on medication
The pills they gave me, go into the trash, along with my trust in this world
I look for others, minds alike, prepare this movement for fortification
Inside this prison, my ideas have lifted, gotten up and swirled
Between The LinesSix years old,
tired and cold
a girl stood with rags and bruises.
She turned to stare,
tried not to care
beside her the mommy who always uses.
She happened to see,
a mother of three
tied down by the 'devils' on her sleeve.
The little girl asked,
desire well masked
why must they ruin Christmas Eve?
No answer ever came,
only silence to blame
and mommy walked on without one word.
The little girl followed,
a large gulp now swallowed
left her question hanging and simply unheard.
Creature ComfortDown into the depths of her mind
lives a creature who's not very kind
His fangs are sharp and ready to slice
been there, done that more than thrice
This little monster isn't all that rare
he shows up in school, dreams, nightmares
The teachers always said she was out of tune
already gone but much too soon
In their thoughts they held her soul close by
made sure she was fine but hoped not to pry
Now, she's still alive, hanging by a string
a tired angel flying with only one wing
You'd think her peers would want to stop in
Take a little time to wash her of sin
Maybe tell a tale or grasp her hand
stare for a while at her wristband
As much as I'd love to tell you a lie
they never said anything but “try not to die”
Her parents, oh God, they were the worst
only came once to sit and to curse
A phone call or two, but that was the end
they were scared their little girl wasn't on mend
This made her sad, afraid of it being her fault
that she had to go and bring her life to a halt
Hard to AskIs it so hard to ask,
For love, friendship and trust,
Is it so hard to think,
To think what you once meant to me?
Now i'm all alone,
In a boring, normal world,
My dreams are destroyed,
My imagination annoying.
Were can I go,
I read all the books,
Were can I go,
I've been searching for clues.
My soul starts resting,
My heart stops racing,
My eyes are closing,
My cheeks stop rosing.
That is the last sound,
You'll hear me singing,
I'm sorry my love,
My journey just begun.
AnorexiaMeet a girl named No One, with a heart of shattered stone
Staring at the other girl, the one that's not alone
Girl with skin that glistens, with the eyes of crystal seas
Grin of shining diamonds and a laugh like a disease
Flashes just a glance and soon, she's every trouble's cure
She has everything… and No One's off to be like her.
Eating turns into a crime, she'd rather be away
Thrusting fingers down her throat to make herself okay
Watching as her very bones are seen behind her flesh
There she drowns in tears, for she has not yet seen success.
Minutes turn to hours, and these hours turn to days
Every moment slipping, slowly fading into grey
Rapidly, her body turns to nothing but her bones
As she fights for beauty, as she battles for the throne.
Broken hearts must learn to beat, and this she came to know
Learning it the hard way when her heartbeat grew too slow
Yet, she somehow managed still to shine from what's within
Lying in her casket with her hidden, unseen sin.
Final thoughts ins
Leave.Leave me alone!
Is that so hard to do?!
You don’t care about my feelings,
They are nothing to you!
What have I done wrong?
I just want you to leave,
You hurt me more and more,
So how can I believe?
Your words mean nothing,
Your apologies are fake,
Just stay away from me!
How much pain can I take?!
You got what you wanted,
But what about me?
I only want one thing,
I want to be free!
I can’t take it anymore!
Every night and day,
You just refuse to leave,
So at least stay away!
I'm Fine"Are you okay?"
That's all they say.
And I leave behind
These words in my mind.
I'm broken, I'm dying.
Inside, I'm crying.
There are wounds beneath my skin.
There are trials I face within.
There are things I just can't say.
There are people I must betray.
Beneath a smile, I feel pain.
Behind the sun, there's always a little rain.
And beneath these words I hold in my head...
There's always the thing I say instead.
I leave the truth behind..
So when they say, "are you okay?"
I always say, "I'm fine."
To depression, for creating days without endWake up to the realization that you've been awake
for seconds, minutes, hours.
You've been awake in this warm, dark room
and you don't know how long it's been
but now you're conscious
and it starts again--
the pain, strong and steady, in your chest.
You gain consciousness in this too warm morning
and your thoughts whir in endless loops
because it's either that or face the weight in your chest.
Light breaks though the window, soft and unwelcome
but you take it as a reluctant gift--
a new distraction from the feelings awake in your chest.
Awake, but not conscious.
So you think yourself in circles a little while longer
waiting for those quiet pains
(the constant reminder)
to gain consciousness.
IowaIf you visit Iowa,
you'll call her fields empty,
but she wasn't born that way.
A part of her was carved out
when she was ripped between Virginia
and the purple mountains of New Mexico.
Her gold hair, she tore it out when she realized
it didn't make her a princess.
She laid her locks strung along every road
leading somewhere else.
White hairs on her cheeks
are scars from winter.
Her hair darkens with the dampness
of summer rains.
The storms are never silent,
but neither is life when there's a tear
in your childhood where
a parent ought to be.
I've been flooded by Iowa's sorrow.
The only way I can distract her from her own voided landscape
is if I hate myself harder than she cries.
She just wants to fly
and I want to bus or train,
not because I fear death, but because
I want to take living slow.
It's the only way I ever feel.
From the air it's hard to watch Earth's hips move.
But Earth can't compare to the country.
That's my girl.
Full grown even when harvesting season's j
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scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More