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Secret. 13351 by DeviantArtSecret Secret. 13351 by DeviantArtSecret
This Secret is a response to Secret 13013 [link]

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Submitted by - DAS
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:iconjapanyoshi:
JapanYoshi Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Get the fuck off :icondeviantartplz:
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:iconunconventionalsenshi:
this is depressing ... :(
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:icontigrin:
tigrin Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Professional Filmographer
This is a beautiful sentiment and it's not wrong. But it's a little heavy handed to lean on an abuse survivor to report. Even if you're a survivor yourself, you don't know what her circumstances are or what she's going through. It is very, very difficult to get someone convicted in court of sexual assault... even with evidence... and the process is deliberately traumatic for the victim. Even telling a friend or family member can backfire if they don't believe what happened.

Would the world be a better place if every victim immediately reported? If she told absolutely everyone? Probably. Is it fair to expect that? Is it fair to place the burden on a victim for the future victims of a perp? I don't think so. The only responsible person is the perp for his own actions. I think it's fine to encourage survivors to share their experiences and not be silent about their experiences. But shaming them for not reporting is another story.

Sorry, this just caught me at a bad moment.
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:iconsecret-teller:
Secret-Teller Featured By Owner May 27, 2013
You may be right. I hadn't intended to shame anyone, but I can see how it could be taken that way. In fact, rereading, I think in some ways I phrased this secret pretty badly. I wrote and sent it quickly, before I could lose my nerve, and it could have used a little more thought.

I don't think that ST 13013 should feel guilty about anything their abuser does regardless of whether they tell anyone. What I meant to say was that in my case, I do feel a little responsible, however nonsensical that is, and that if they're anything like me, they might end up feeling that way some day too.

Aside from that, based on the fact that they posted this secret, I think ST 13013 is dying to tell—maybe not to officially report it and go through the legal mess, which IS horribly arranged, but at least to tell their family so that they can avoid this man and stop rubbing salt in the ST's wounds.

It's hard to tell when you don't know how it'll be received. I know it's hard; I did it too. It's especially hard to tell people who might not want to believe you. But in my experience, it's worth it.

So I hope ST 13013 also reads this comment. I meant to give encouragement, not shame. I'm sorry if it came across that way.
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:icontigrin:
tigrin Featured By Owner May 27, 2013  Professional Filmographer
I may have taken it a bit personally as I'm in a similar situation to ST 13013, except it's been about seven years for me. It's a long time to keep a secret. But it's still better to me than running the risk of my family rejecting me. I already lost a bunch of friends over it because they refused to believe me.

I think everyone who's been hurt wants to tell. It's just that fear gets in the way. I wish things could change so that victims weren't blamed and there'd be no reason to be afraid.
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:iconfelinespirit:
Felinespirit Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I agree, but could you explain what you mean by "deliberately traumatic"?
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:icontigrin:
tigrin Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Professional Filmographer
Sure. Typically these sort of cases force the victim to go on the stand to testify about their experience to a court. They will have to relive their trauma again in detail in front of a group of judging strangers. Worse than that, they are open to cross-examination, and the defense will usually do whatever they can to poke holes in the story or cast reasonable doubt. This may include spinning the story to make it sound like the victim's fault, or otherwise defame her character. I don't think I need to explain how deeply traumatic this is for a survivor. Then there is always the chance that the defense is found not guilty, since these sort of cases are often "he said, she said", and the law skews towards protecting the accused. In the case of the girl this secret is aimed at, you can bet the defense will play up on her doubts and fears and produce plenty of character witnesses to make the case that he's a great guy who is not capable of such an act. Of course this is not true, but the defense will do whatever to defend their client, and sexual assault is very hard to prove.

I also know of a number of people who have gone through the traumatic process of reliving the assault and being questioned by police only to be told their case will never go to trial. Not to mention the problem of the rape kit backlog in the US, which ties up crucial evidence for years. [link]

Until culture and the law changes to stop protecting the perpetrator (and in particular I can't see this happening in the US since "innocent until proven guilty" is the pride of this country), I can't support ever pressuring a victim to report. It takes an absolutely incredible amount of strength on the part of the survivor.

Sorry to word vomit at you but I hope this answers your question. :)
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:iconfelinespirit:
Felinespirit Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
No, it's cool, thanks a lot for explaining.
(sorry for the late reply btw)
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:iconcatchingfear:
CatchingFear Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Student General Artist
:/
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:iconaerithechidna4rt:
AerithEchidna4rt Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh wow :) That was just, wow.
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:iconroseserpenthelm:
RoseSerpenthelm Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Dear ST 13013

SPEAK OUT FOR GODS SAKE

No matter what happens, you must not let yourself be unheard.
Reply
Flagged as Spam
:iconguelpacq:
guelpacq Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Student
GET THE F**K OUT!
Reply
:iconthevirtualpoet:
TheVirtualPoet Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
No, you may not give me a virus.
Reply
:icondorothy10:
dorothy10 Featured By Owner May 25, 2013
xD
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:iconmoonangel999:
moonangel999 Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Lol ikr
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:iconumbreon0:
Umbreon0 Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm a bit curious about this one. At first, I thought it was a chick who wished to tell her crush how she felt, but ran out of time and he left, now she's depressed, and urges us to tell ASAP. But after thinking about it, I'm not so sure. I mean, the hurt bit makes me think it was a priest or youth pastor who, you know, "ruffled up" a girl, waited to tell, now he's gone, innocent, and the burden weighed her down, however nobody believes her since it's so long ago.

Does anyone have an idea of which it is?
Reply
:iconaurasio:
Aurasio Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It's not about wasted love or untold crush, it's about sexual offense. He molested her and moved away before she had the courage to report him, and now she is afraid that he might do the same again, to some other young girl.
Reply
:iconstickmen-evolved:
Stickmen-Evolved Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Dude. It's a response to another secret, read the description. o,o
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:iconumbreon0:
Umbreon0 Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
*RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE* After reading through a few other secrets, I figured they all had the same description >.< The one time it includes something useful xD Now I feel like an idiot lol
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:iconstickmen-evolved:
Stickmen-Evolved Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Don't worry bout it man :XD:
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:iconsublit:
sublit Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Student General Artist
I am listening to Mirrors by Justin Timberlake and right when I read, living on the other side, the song said that :XD:
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:icongearsgirl6295:
GearsGirl6295 Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I wish I had the courage...But I don't.
Reply
:iconcelia94:
Celia94 Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You know, I'm no one to tell you how to live you're life but, form my point of view, you are not living such a thing now... it is a nightmare. So just wake up. If you don't you'll have to live with that forever and the guilty won't be punished.
Reply
:iconserenedash:
SereneDash Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is so sweet
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:iconconstantineblood:
ConstantineBlood Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Beautifully spoken.
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:iconconfidencealive:
confidenceAlive Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Exactly. Dark things hide in dark places; so loose your voice and let your light shine<3
Reply
:iconmirmachine:
MiRMACHINE Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I was sexually abused by my step father. Because my mum loved him, I kept it inside and just took it because I considered her. It had greatly affected my social life, my life at home and my education. I withdrew myself from the outside world and turned bitter. He would constantly abuse my brother to no end, punching him, kicking him.. putting him through hell for his young age. I couldn't let it continue and after 4 years, I just snapped big time and told my mum everything. I was extremely scared to tell her because I didn't know how she would react. She was shocked and cried saying things like she couldn't believe it. But after everything she went through in her childhood, she got rid of him. It's been 3 years since then and I'm happy that we are away from him, I'm more happy for my brother, he didn't deserve that at all. However I remain broken and paranoid and can't view the world in a brighter light despite the freedom my family and I gained.

I'm just thankful I have a parent who put her children first.. though it might not be the case for every child going through this, there will always be someone to talk to. The police was also involved and though there wasn't enough evidence to put him away.. he has been marked as a child molester in a black list file by social workers.

My point is.. don't wait. the longer you wait, the worse it will become, it does destroy you and the person who molests you just comes out a winner. I'm happy that by me telling my mother, I also saved my 9 year old half sister at the time from getting molested and you can do the same for more.
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:icontrieheart:
Trieheart Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
you.. you are so brave and so is your brother. i just need to hug you :hug: :iconbrohugplz: you are a strong person for telling your mom. :iconimissedyouplz:
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:iconmirmachine:
MiRMACHINE Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you~ :iconbrohugplz:
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:iconmonsturnao:
MonsturNao Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Student Artist
I am so sorry for all you had to go through..No one on earth should have to deal with that kind of shit..

I'm so sorry for you and your brother having to live through that..But at least now he's gone.
Reply
:iconmirmachine:
MiRMACHINE Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
haha indeed, I hope the ST finds courage to say something soon

and thank you for your kind words :)
Reply
:iconmonsturnao:
MonsturNao Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Student Artist
Your welcome :) :hug:
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:iconsakuradreamerz2:
SakuraDreamerz2 Featured By Owner May 24, 2013
*this
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:iconsakuradreamerz2:
SakuraDreamerz2 Featured By Owner May 24, 2013
Tis is truly heart-moving....
Reply
:iconcharlotestraw:
CharloteStraw Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Truly powerful and beautiful.
It shows that DeviantArtSecrets become a strong community, not just a place to share our secrets.
Reply
:iconscriddles:
Scriddles Featured By Owner May 24, 2013
Secret Teller, thank you for sharing this important secret. Really, thank you.
Reply
:iconvictoriaisabeau:
victoriaisabeau Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Professional General Artist
this is the wisest secret ever!
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:iconkinglorshi:
Kinglorshi Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Student Writer
Probably one of the more provocative of the secrets. Quite powerful I must say.
Reply
:icontoshiami:
toshiami Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Forming words to tell anyone even people you love and trust can seem unbearable. As if working the events into words will make them more real make the wounds even deeper. Finding your voice and being able to say what has happened is the most healing thing that anyone can do... it's just so painfully hard.
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:iconmirakhall:
MiraKHall Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Power to the tattletales! Don't let stigma and guilt rule you over -- TELL ON HIM! :shakefist:
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:iconsinfulfox:
SinfulFox Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Wow, very touching and beautiful! My heart goes out to all the strong survivors and those still searching for their strength~ <3
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:iconsilvershecat:
SilverSheCat Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You should ALWAYS tell. They only have as much power as you LET them.
Do NOT let them have power.
Be strong!
All of you! <3
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:iconinsanelycute:
InsanelyCute Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It's true even though it is far easier said than done:

Speak up because remaining silent only empowers the offender.

All the best to you, Secret Tellers 13351and 13013!
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:iconflashikku:
Flashikku Featured By Owner May 24, 2013
sigh... so depressing.
the people who do that...
it makes me worry for every girl i'm close to, every day v-v
Reply
:iconzukichikara:
ZukiChikara Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist
i want to tell... but i cant get my self to do it o.o

and... eum.. *i've got a feeling it is a stupid question.. but.. * what does "ST 13013" means?
Reply
:iconbubblewrap-pancakes:
bubblewrap-pancakes Featured By Owner May 24, 2013
It means secret teller 13013. This secret is a response to another secret.
Reply
:iconzukichikara:
ZukiChikara Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist
oh, that makes sense, thank u :3
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