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Submitted by - DAS 8
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:iconreyray:
ReyRay Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I think, (and I'm just saying in my opinion) a lot of guys don't exactly realize that when people, especially girls, shrug a comment off like that, it still sticks with them them for a long time. It hurts. :( but maybe that's just me.
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:iconburbled:
Burbled Featured By Owner May 26, 2013
My boyfriend jokes a lot of my insecurities too...
About my height (I'm way too thin), about my taste of music (it's too 'pussylike'), about the games I play, about my behavior on the phone and how I speak to other people etc etc.
But I know that he only does it because of his own inferiority complexes. He's just as broken as I am, but he hides it behind his mask. He always acts so strong and self-confident but he's so vulnerable.
But sometimes he goes too far.
Sometimes I just want to punch him.
And when he sees my angry face he just starts to laugh and that makes it even worse.
But I really love him, I can't help myself : )
Reply
:icontmntleolei03:
TMNTLeoLei03 Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
My boyfriend is kinda like that, except he knows my insecurities. He says that when he jokes about it, it shows that those things don't really matter to him (as in he doesn't think it's a big deal). It's sweet of him to think that, but sometimes I have to tell him that it's not OK to think things like that.

If, for you, he doesn't realize how insecure you are about those things, tell him. He won't ever be able to realize what's going on until you tell him. Make sure you're firm about it, but show that you still love him. But, also know when to not take teasing too seriously. I know, it's hard, I struggle with it too. We'll work on it together :)

Much love,
Lei
Reply
:iconblazefirewolf1:
BlazeFireWolf1 Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
If it does hurt your feelings,you should either tell him or develop a thicker skin and know that when he says these things,he's just playing with you. But in one line,you said Him: I like your confidence. You're not fat,I swear."

If you had confidence,you wouldn't be hurt by it and you wouldn't be depressed and self harm. You need to let him know that you're not as confident as he thinks you are.
Reply
:iconemoturtlefrk:
emoturtlefrk Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
you're not stupid for being his friend, he's stupid for thinking it actually doesn't bother you.
You should let him know :/ if he knows and still does it, THEN ditch him.
but as long as he thinks there's nothing wrong, he'll always think it's a private "inside" joke between you two :/
Trust me, my dad does that kind of stuff to me too.
It hurts, but when i say something back, i mean it and he thinks i'm joking.
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:iconpyrosaitan1:
Pyrosaitan1 Featured By Owner May 24, 2013
That's what friends do, why would you get pissy and do "self harm" over it?
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:iconbluecrayonz:
BlueCrayonz Featured By Owner May 26, 2013
Sup. I didn't start self-harming because of this boy. It was something way before I even met him. This doesn't affect my self-harm in any way. It's just something I go through that causes me to be more sensitive to things people say to me.
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:iconpyrosaitan1:
Pyrosaitan1 Featured By Owner May 26, 2013
Oh... Then I have no idea how to give advice that'll help 0.0 personally I'm only still confused about the reasons people tell me why people cut themselves
Reply
:iconbluecrayonz:
BlueCrayonz Featured By Owner May 26, 2013
There are many different reasons. Some do it to actually feel something. As they feel nothing though-out the day. It's a way to show that they're still alive. This doesn't apply to everyone though.
I'll admit, the people giving you hell about your comment was a bit far. Never fight fire with fire. But your comment was pretty offensive. To me anyway.
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:iconpyrosaitan1:
Pyrosaitan1 Featured By Owner May 27, 2013
I tend to be a bias asshole most of the time, I usually advise people to ignore me
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:iconbluecrayonz:
BlueCrayonz Featured By Owner May 27, 2013
Everyones' opinions deserve to be heard.
Reply
:iconpyrosaitan1:
Pyrosaitan1 Featured By Owner May 27, 2013
No, if that were true we'd have utter chaos running through this world, things people don't want to hear are most likely the ones that another person thinks of them
Reply
:iconemoturtlefrk:
emoturtlefrk Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
depends on the person. people who self harm are extreamly insecure.
when people get extreamly insecure, then they feel anxiety, and self harm brings them a sense of relief.
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:iconpyrosaitan1:
Pyrosaitan1 Featured By Owner May 24, 2013
That's pathetic
Reply
:iconemoturtlefrk:
emoturtlefrk Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You're pathetic.
its not like they can control it, its an addiction.
just like drugs, just like alcohaul, just like cleptomania, just like anything.
just because you dont understand it, doesnt make it wrong.
Reply
:iconpyrosaitan1:
Pyrosaitan1 Featured By Owner May 25, 2013
oh no i understand it, and thats why i think its pathetic, to go through something like bullying and think "hey, maybe i could physically hurt myself so the mental damage they inflict would be less significant :iconherpderp:" knowing it firsthand, bullying isn't that bad, its only that bad if you allow it to get to you, and you only allow it to get to you when your mentally weak, emotionally feeble, essentially the definition of the word "pathetic"
Reply
:iconcheerypup:
cheerypup Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Student General Artist
obviously u haven't really been bullied before have u?
no! didn't thinks so
you have no idea how much bulling can hurt someone and make them actually WANT to die.
and a school i used to go to had more than 2 suicides due to bullying
i was bullied a lot when i went to that school, personally i don't want to talk about that as i don't particularly like thinking about it, but some people just aren't strong enough to deal with bullying and pain some people bring to them but they shouldn't be penalized for it as there is NOTHING wrong with being a bit weaker than someone else!
do u understand me?
Reply
:iconpyrosaitan1:
Pyrosaitan1 Featured By Owner May 25, 2013
I've been picked on since kindergarten thanks, and it's a subject I no longer give amfuck about, kids pick on me because I was fat, bespectacled and had red hair, to this day dickheads still yell from they're cars "rangar" when they drive past, an Australian term for a ginger haired person having to do with orangitangs, but I ignore it because it's only other morons and likewise mentally weak bigots who do it, because they have mental problems they're too pathetic to deal with, funny thing though, I'm 15, I was picked on from when I was 6 to when I was 13, it only stopped because they finally realized that the only person who would let that get to them would be children under the age of 10 or mentally pathetic losers who think the whole world is against them and that the whole world is based around other's opinions and problems, FYI, it doesn't, mankind as a whole are horrible, terrible and defy the very definition of the word they made for themselves "humane" in general, get used to it, in the human world it's still survival of the fittest and so the losers and mentally weak are plucked out earliest by offing themselves, and stating that your school has had over 0 suicides in the time you were there is pathetic, why would you think that's a good and relevant point? It just tells me how pathetic the mental strength of your region is
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:iconemoturtlefrk:
emoturtlefrk Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That's not how it works, and its not just for bullying dipshit.
you dont know or understand, unless youve been through it, which you obviously havent.
so quit talking shit about something you dont understand.
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:iconpyrosaitan1:
Pyrosaitan1 Featured By Owner May 25, 2013
If your such a fucking genius on the subject of cutting yourself, then educate me, oh that who is greater than I!
Reply
:iconemoturtlefrk:
emoturtlefrk Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
it's a comfort spot.
let's say for this instance, you hear your parents fighting over money or some shit like that.
You can practically hear every single word they say.
They say how they can't afford three people and a pet.
The mom says how she feels trapt and can't go anywhere. How she's stuck inside the house with a teenager and a dog or cat that does nothing but ruin the furnature.
The father tells her to quit bitching and it will be only a few months until you are 18 and can move out.
The entire time you truley believe it's your fault.
You are so hung up on the facts that you already know.
You were unplanned to them.
You haven't been able to find a job.
You begged for the dog.
You start panicking because you're so convinced by this point that the father is either going to hurt her physically or say that your family is worthless and will leave and never come back.
and on top of all of this, you have issues at school as well, as does everyone.
and because you haven't been sleeping well, you feel exhausted. you start shaking, and crying.
You become so scared that life itself will implode.
that's when they turn to the blade.
it's almost like it drags them back down to reality, let's them know it's all in their head, that they're still alive, they're not dreaming.
It's not saying everything will be fine, but somehow it'll work out. it's like you can breathe again.
Then of course, you look down at your bleeding arm and if your still new to it will try to clean it up.
if you've got years into it, you'll either start getting mad at them for making you feel low, or yourself for resorting to something that'll make them fight more if they happen to see the scar in the morning.

and that's just ONE of the NUMEROUS situations that people like them- like myself- go through all the times, but then are put down by ignorent assholes like you who think people who do that only do it for attention, and to make a scene.

not to mention, after that almost every single person, will go out of there way to make sure that scar will never be seen in public.
ever.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconpocketpjs:
PocketPJs Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You shouldn't love what's hurting you. You can talk to him about it-- it sounds scary at first, but a little fear is better than constantly hurting-- or you can let him go. Neither sounds fun, but both are momentary pains. Loving him forever potentially means being hurt by him forever.
Reply
:icongenevieve124:
Genevieve124 Featured By Owner May 23, 2013   General Artist
He doesn't know! So either tell him and see how he reacts or just don't take it to heart. All our insecurities are not always plausible. Like for me, I'm a thirteen year old girl who always forgets her age, thinks she's 14, fat and alone. I got over my depression/self harm so believe me when I say, "I completely understand"
But if you're going to tell him do it soon. My friend hated it when people touched her and she yelled in their face when they did, later on I learned that she had almost been raped and now I feel like s*** for thinking she was overreaching and saying some things that I did etc. So if you don't tell him until later he will feel like I am now, forever guilty.
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:iconzeflyingmuppet:
ZeFlyingMuppet Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Communication is the best key you know... :no:
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:iconlycheeart:
LycheeArt Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You should tell him that you're feeling this way because I think he'll never notice how bad it's affecting you. This might make your friendship with him stronger and more open. :)
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:iconotakugirlpwnsall:
Otakugirlpwnsall Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Student General Artist
That's the exact same way I feel about a friend of mine. ALL of my friends, actually, insult me on a daily basis too. And I don't say anything to them.
Trust me, you aren't alone, whoever you are! <3 :hug: :heart:
Reply
:iconbi0terr0r:
BI0TERR0R Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm sure that you insult him just as much as he insults you.
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:iconcorporalcornbread:
CorporalCornbread Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I think that if it truly bugs you, and/or makes you upset, let him know. Good luck, ST :hug:
Reply
:iconxxnibinonekoxx:
xXNibiNoNekoXx Featured By Owner May 23, 2013
Some people are really naive. So he might be saying those things to you because he knows it wouldn't bother him, so he's assuming it won't bother you. I've known plenty of people who don't get vocal hints or body language for the life of them even if it literally slapped them in the face. Generally those people appreciate it when you're really blunt back at them, so just straight up let him know that sometimes he goes too far and what too far is to you. If he's your friend he will understand.

(Every guy I've ever talked to hate it when girls beat around the bush, they honestly just want to be straight up told what the problem is)
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:iconrazors-in-my-mind:
razors-in-my-mind Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
He obviously enjoys hurting you and making you feel insecure because it makes you need him. He is in love with you and cant understand.
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:iconniteghost:
NiteGhost Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist
If he doesn't know that the joking bothers you, then you should tell him a little or joke back... "you fat" reply with "ouch that hurts" or something in a joking manner if your not ready to tell the truth. Though I would say if he is your friend he will understand that sometimes it bugs you. *nods*
Reply
:icondragonwithnoname:
DragonWithNoName Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Student
I also had a similar situation, but let me tell you this; you're not stupid.

And though this is probably the last thing you want to hear, you should talk to him. There is no other way. It won't go away by itself. Just a simple "C'mon, that's not funny" can do lots.
Reply
:iconaerithechidna4rt:
AerithEchidna4rt Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Just tell him, then maybe he'll stop <3
Reply
:iconclaymasey98:
claymasey98 Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Tell him. Just say that you don't like what he says, even though you know he is just kiddng. My best friend did this to me and I cut myself too. Just tell them.
Reply
:icondemondarakna:
DemonDarakna Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Student
I had a similar situation.
Tell him. Just instead making a comeback, go with: this is why I'm depressed you know. There will be momentary shock. Then go on, like nothing happened. On with another subject or joking again. Don't push him. Give him time to think it over.
A day, week, month (depends on the person) later, you'll have the most considerate friend you can ever get. You two will still joke, he will still go too far or whatever, but when he'll see that look in your eyes, or if you throw another comment like that in your chat, he will be the most solid shoulder you need.
Sometimes, friends that poke you in the most tender places, are friends who are willing to make those places hard as steel. They are the most protective, because those are places he knows are tender, and are just for him to poke ... "because you know I'm not serious." (direct quote from my now best friend).
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:icongenevieve124:
Genevieve124 Featured By Owner May 23, 2013   General Artist
You are still depressed??? Hmm... I just recently got over mine in a way that might sound stupid to, well, everyone.... but here goes I sang a song in Hebrew when nobody else in the room could. The Song is called Shalom. Its English translation is

Shalom, my friends
Shalom, my friends
Shalom, Shalom
His Peace be with you
His Peace be with you
Shalom

Note: Shalom means peace. Cheesy huh?
Reply
:icondemondarakna:
DemonDarakna Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Student
I'm not depressed anymore ... that was 2 years ago ^^
I'm on pills now. They work like a charm.
Reply
:icongenevieve124:
Genevieve124 Featured By Owner May 24, 2013   General Artist
Pills? I've heard them mentioned before but...what exactingly are they???
Reply
:icondemondarakna:
DemonDarakna Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Student
antidepresants ... one is Paroxat that calms you down, or better, makes me sleepy - slows down the heart - when I start panicing (I have a history of panic attacks). The other one is Welbutrin that makes it easier to focus on one thing (helps with tons of voices in my head, makes it only one - or better, makes myself in control of it).
I'm gonna go off them someday, maybe. I'm not in a hurry. For experiment sake I try with a quarter less sometimes and see how it goes. I'm on one - one now (from two), and whenever I try to get any lower there is like a loud talking in my head, as if I was trapped in a room where everyone is talking over each other. And I couldn't even take care of myself, coz I didn't know what *I* want, physically or mentally (no idea about my future, which chore I should focus on now, as a writer - which voice do I listen to and write about, what should I eat). And I can't believe I lived so many years of my life like that. No wonder I was in deep depression.

So, yeah, it might seem unnatural, but they work. And when you think about it, in this society there's nothing natural left, so sometimes a person must get a help of something that is not natural as well, so you can include yourself in this modern life.
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:iconred-london:
Red-London Featured By Owner May 23, 2013
You are not stupid for being his friend. Some people - in my experience, mostly men - joke in this maner among those whom they trust.
Myself, I am very friendly to people I don't know very well. The better I know someone, the ruder I get - but it's a kind of teasing. I always mean it friendly.

And if it DOES affect you, tell him this.
"Please don't do that. I know that you meant it well, but that went too far, all right?"
I guess he will understand that and avoid it.

Myself, I wouldn't tease in that manner any more, but I would be curious about WHY it went too far.
Reply
:iconsteeltalon:
Steeltalon Featured By Owner May 23, 2013
No, you're not stupid for staying his friend; but you might want to talk to him about it and let him know when he does go too far, so he knows when he's about to step on a nerve.
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:iconladyofeyes:
LadyofEyes Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
My ex boyfriend did that.. Now he's my ex because I wasn't going to put up with it and pretend it was ok.
Reply
:iconthelordofallreturn:
ThelordofallReturn Featured By Owner May 23, 2013
Talk about it, ask him not to go to far, I also play with my best friend and often we endt up doing something that can sometimes seem mean, but we always talk to each other and work it out. Let him know it bothers you.
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:iconreverseimaku:
ReverseImaku Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Student General Artist
you need to talk to him, I really don't think he knows. It'll be okay, and I'm quite sure he'll understand.
Reply
:iconverriterriberri:
verriterriberri Featured By Owner May 23, 2013
you need to tell him to stop playing on your insecurities. If he fails to do so, dump him.
Reply
:iconmahaha1985:
Mahaha1985 Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Leave him. If he plays on your insecurities, doesn't undestrand them and uses them to keep you close, he doesn't care about you as mmuch as you do about him.
Reply
:iconjuddles-chan:
juddles-Chan Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
i cant really put myself in this situation seeing as how i always speak up for myself and say how i feel (like saying youre still kind of offending me even if youre joking so stop) but.. i sympathize uwu
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:iconglassmagnolia:
glassmagnolia Featured By Owner May 22, 2013  Hobbyist
I doubt he knows it bothers you. Most guys that I've known are not too swift at nonverbal cues, so if you ever want him to know it you'll have to tell him. If he's your friend, he'll get it.
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:iconconfidencealive:
confidenceAlive Featured By Owner May 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
No, it's not stupid, you're not stupid.

But

In a friendship you both need to communicate with each other. You need to tell him what he does that hurts you (or comes close to hurting you) and he needs to tell you what you do that hurts or comes close to hurting him. You both need to understand how the other ticks, and what you need to do to support the relationship rather than putting each other on edge. He should also know about (if you trust him enough) at least some of what you struggle with--so he knows, and can be considerate of it.

I know it may not be quite the same, but my cousin and I do this, and sometimes I think I go too far, and sometimes I know she does. And I honestly haven't got up the courage to ever say anything about it to her. So I can relate (I think).

P.S.: Tell him how you feel about the way he jokes about your insecurities, and make sure he knows that those things are insecurities. Seriously. It's important for him to know, so that he can become a strength to you in those areas instead of a wound.

:hug: Good luck (:
Reply
:icontoadadventure:
ToadAdventure Featured By Owner May 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
No you're not, I mean if that's how you guys are then don't take them as insults.
I had a friend like That once, he was a good guy, and I'm sure your friend is too.
Talk to him, tell him how you feel when he says That kinda stuff. If he doesn't know he'll just keep doing it becaus he'll think you don't care.
Boys are clueless, I can honestly say.
Reply
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