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Secret. 13278 by DeviantArtSecret Secret. 13278 by DeviantArtSecret
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Submitted by - DAS
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:iconoliveman40:
Oliveman40 Featured By Owner May 22, 2013
For the ST and everyone else going through this, here are what I think, from my experience, are the two main steps to overcoming this concern:

1) Go to the part of you that feels this way, and comfort it.
2) In the process of comforting, try to balance these two things: (1) accepting the world as it is - people can go down dark roads full of bad habits, and (2) your will to do something about it.

You CAN do something about it, too. Everything in the human world manifests from individual human spirits collectively creating our world. This means that by understanding how your life ends up in the way IT does and what you can do about it, you can help other people - you contribute a different energy in the end. So by transforming your own bad habits, you can gain the true knowledge that will allow you to help your friends transform their bad habits too.

How do you transform bad habits - go to the place inside you that commits the bad habit, and work with it - isolating every feeling that comes up along the way as something additional to the process. For instance, if you find yourself judging the part of you who commits the bad habit (like the inner overeater), isolate that perspective as the part of you who is judgmental. Just stay in the role of problem solver, who truly cares, and you will solve it. You can solve your bad habit, and the self-judgment at the same time! Just get to the bottom of it, and persist in your will to transform yourself while still caring a lot about yourself. Eventually the self who has the bad habit will find another way to live where they won't need that habit anymore. But it is never as simple as disliking the habit. Disliking an algebra problem never solved it, right? :) Same thing with inner issues.

If you want to know more about how to work through things on an internal level, check out my website at [link] - I've got some techniques, as well as my own insights. All free so no worries about that. Take care and good luck! : )
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:iconravynraver:
RavynRaver Featured By Owner May 22, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I really hate to be the bearer of the bad news, but misery loves company. People who are miserable want to know they aren't the only ones, and will find a way to bring down those around them, whether they mean to or not. It's hard to lift yourself up when you are around that. If you EVER need, please send me a note. I am more than happy to talk about ANYTHING. Keep your eyes on your goal, and as much as it may hurt, you may have to let go of the people who hold you back. If you are that worthwhile to them, they will change so they can move forward with you.
Reply
:iconandiechanz12789:
andiechanz12789 Featured By Owner May 21, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I ended up losing so many friends because they changed for the worse. I got bullied by them so much...I really couldnt handle the treatment I got from them. I have this friend who moved to Florida and I miss her so much. She's probably one of the only friends I got really.....
This just relates to what I am going through.....
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:iconbuickregalracecar56:
BuickRegalRacecar56 Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
This one hits close to home- my closest friend changed so dramatically upon entering university, taking up drinking, partying, and so much more. She changed her attitude to match theirs so she'd fit in, and suddenly, she hated me for not growing up, even though I'm older than her. She literally threw five years of friendship down the drain for new 'friends' at university and completely changed who she was for people who'd rather drink than laugh about the latest stupid story idea. I understand exactly what you're talking about. I know what it feels like.
Reply
:iconxxrockfiendxx:
XxRockFiendxX Featured By Owner May 17, 2013
just be there for them if you can. you can't "fix" people, you can only be by their side if you choose to
Reply
:iconrandomflamingos:
randomflamingos Featured By Owner May 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I lost my bestest friend in the world a couple months ago. She meant the world to me. Until i lost her to her new snotty friend. I miss her, I can't help not think about it. I can't erase all my memories. So i feel like we're going through similar emotions and actually i feel a little better getting this out.
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:iconsantafedreams:
SantaFeDreams Featured By Owner May 16, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I had two friends once
But they went to the top and became popular
They cared for me at first but
They saw it was cool to be mean to me
Make me suffer
Pass fake stuff around about me
Tell everybody what I told them
Even stepped all over my report for school
My friends don't wanna be bullied so they left me behinde or just try to act like we aren't friends
.....I just am trying to make it through the year with out bothering people.....so why do you bother me
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:iconjdogthekiller44:
jdogthekiller44 Featured By Owner May 16, 2013
You cant stop it ever if you do their are going back to that road in the time
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:iconfat-fan:
Fat-FAN Featured By Owner May 15, 2013
This. I have almost no family left because they all went the wrong ways. Now times that are meant to be big fun times with the whole family are... just a very small group.

If only... ? idk.
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:iconfuzzybuni:
Fuzzybuni Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Student Writer
Not related, but what does "ST" mean? Everyone seems to be saying that on these dA Secrets, but I thought people that posts things like this are called an "OP", standing for "original poster."
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:iconshadowdrakkon:
ShadowDrakkon Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I think "ST" means "Secret Teller".
Reply
:iconfuzzybuni:
Fuzzybuni Featured By Owner May 16, 2013  Student Writer
Oh, okay! That makes perfect sense. Thank you very much. :')
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:iconshadowdrakkon:
ShadowDrakkon Featured By Owner May 16, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
You are quite welcome! Glad I could help. :)
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:icontsunagiotto:
TsunaGiotto Featured By Owner May 15, 2013
This is EXACTLY how I feel right now. I'm currently going through some personal problems myself, but I literally found out 10 minutes ago that my once cheerful little sister has been cutting herself for who knows how long. I feel so sad! I have an urge to help but she doesn't want it. I don't know what went wrong?!
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:icondreamergone:
dreamergone Featured By Owner May 15, 2013
In life these things happen as we age and grow, know that it will not always be this way. It is hard for anyone to find a place they feel they belong under the constant, driving forces of peer pressure and coming of age. There will be good days and bad, the important thing is to know where you stand, and not to compromise that. Chances are change is necessary, and healthy, if you're unable to confide in your current friends/peers. Hang in there.

--

PSA: anyone looking for a place to send secrets with less room for comments (in fact, only select email responses are ever posted) should consider postsecret(dot)com, which has a greater level of anonymity. People have become oddly desensitized to the fact that behind a computer screen there is a human being who is really feeling these things. For that reason, among many others, people looking for an outlet may find a more neutral atmosphere there.
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:iconscissorsmei:
sCissoRsmei Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
well..my supposed to be best friend years ago started avoided me because I changed...I became the annoying, way too talkative friend. She liked me because I was quiet person..but she was wrong.
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:iconmrboxerbriefs:
MrBoxerBriefs Featured By Owner May 15, 2013
... doesn't the entire paragraph kind of contradict that first line? (Especially that last sentence, :iconbetchplz: like, amg, get your story straight gurl)
Reply
:iconpaleclaw:
Paleclaw Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Student General Artist
Well no exactly, the ST could very well have a very nice life aside from the whole friend thing, but their "world could be falling apart" because everything familiar (all their friends and the people they could talk to) are changing, so there's nothing familiar left. They themselves have a good life, but everyone they know doesn't, and they want to help but can't. It doesn't make their life bad, but it's still something hard.
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:iconkitsunes-slinky:
kitsunes-slinky Featured By Owner May 15, 2013
I understand. So many of my friends are going through similar problems, and it feels as if the older you get, the wider that gap gets. And the harder it is to watch them self-destruct and feel so helpless because you don't know how to help them.

The best thing I can tell you is to simply love them. Let them know how much they mean to you and that you don't want to lose them. Let them know you are there for them and believe that they will come to know a better path. Sometimes you need to acknowledge that your world is not just yours and that people make their own choices, regardless of whether or not you agree with what they are doing.

You can't stop it. But by loving them, you can let them know that if they trust you enough to let you in, you are willing to help them climb back over the edge of whatever cliff they're dangling themselves over. And in the mean time, focus on making sure you stay on the path you need to take. Don't get lost for their sakes.
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:iconprecious15:
precious15 Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This happens to me all the time. I would have the greatest friends ever and then they change the next time you see them. It's so sad.
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:iconreplicka:
Replicka Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Student Digital Artist
You get new friends and you get the fuck over it.
Reply
:iconsilverflower6:
silverflower6 Featured By Owner May 15, 2013
I feel the exact same way all the time!
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:iconnianyanii:
nianyanii Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Student General Artist
That it is call: growing
Reply
:icondragonholder411:
dragonholder411 Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I never thought of it this way...
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:iconoctobird:
octobird Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
*seems :\
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:iconpelboy:
Pelboy Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Professional Filmographer
In this kind of situation I'm annoyed at the 'friends' for being so typical but also the 'victim' for putting up with it. You should always value your own life and health. Being friends is a two way deal, not a hippocratic oath; think about if they would assist you in the same situation before you go running to their aid for the 50th time.
Reply
:iconyxlnightstar:
YxLnightstar Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, this is pretty common, and I feel like it is possible to help them get back to how they used to be. But sometimes you just can't....
Reply
:iconcopycat01:
copycat01 Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
you choose whether you are willing or not to put up with it. If not- then find friends that make you happy. If so, you're in for a tough time, but it's the path you chose. They can't expect you to be there to pick them up if it will just drag you down.
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:iconhorohura:
horohura Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Student Digital Artist
My friend is depressed and turned into a witch literally a wicen
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:iconword-of-wisdom:
Word-of-wisdom Featured By Owner May 15, 2013
I hope you don't mean that as an insult.
Reply
:iconhorohura:
horohura Featured By Owner May 21, 2013  Student Digital Artist
no it's the truth weird but the truth she worries me
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:iconword-of-wisdom:
Word-of-wisdom Featured By Owner May 21, 2013
I mean the way you said it, it sounded like a bad thing. Wiccan is a religion.
Reply
:iconhorohura:
horohura Featured By Owner May 29, 2013  Student Digital Artist
I know she just seems depressed lately
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:iconskyzhema:
Skyzhema Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wiccan?
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:iconhorohura:
horohura Featured By Owner May 21, 2013  Student Digital Artist
witch
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:iconblazefirewolf1:
BlazeFireWolf1 Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
That's what happens in life.As you keep trucking,some people get left behind.That person stuck back on the road can be anybody,your friends,enemies,family..even you one day.These people you love will one day regret their actions.People fall into these things because they have got nowhere else to turn,and decide to do these things to distract them from their problems,but the problem will just keep growing. After a while,drinking,self harming,drugs...they become an addiction. You aren't responsible for their actions,but you can help them.

Try talking to them,bringing it to the attention of their friends and family,anyone.Don't be afraid to be honest.They may hate you for trying to help,but one day they will be grateful they had somebody who cared about them enough to atleast try.
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:iconvanshira:
Vanshira Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Sorry, but sometimes you just...can't save everyone at once. I would say focus on keeping yourself on the straight and narrow first, because if you slide down the same path as they are, there's no way you'll be able to help them.
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:icongummydragon:
GummyDragon Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Jessums and cheesbiscuts. This sounds like what I'm doing to my friends. Which sucks because I'm doing my best to return to normalicy, but normalicy changes, you know? People change and we just have to love and understand each other the best we can.
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:iconaustralian-spongebob:
Australian-Spongebob Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is exactly like me and my friend group at the moment, I'm finding that I don't really like any of them.
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:iconshaedurii:
ShaeDurii Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Friends? Or just peers?

"Friends" help each other. If you don't help them, if you let them hurt themselves, I don't think you even care about them, let alone be serious about relationships ( or "friendship" ). I may not know your personal life, but that's exactly what I just picked up on your comment. Sad.
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:iconadxlynn:
adxlynn Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Gosh! I read this and felt the same way! I know it really sucks, all the change with the people you know and love, and you feel the need to help them as best you can-and that's very generous of you. But as hard as you try to save them from their issues, unfortunately and I don't mean to be a downer, you can't save them from the choices that they make on their own. The best you can do is give them advice if they ask and be their for them as a friend; that way you know in your heart that you did the best that you could for them. Try and continue with your life as best you can and try not to let it bring you down; change is a big part of life and I wish you the best with it:)
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:iconn1ghtw4lk3r666:
N1ghTw4lk3r666 Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Student Artist
at last a great meaningful secret!! hang in there you're not alone :)
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:iconconfidencealive:
confidenceAlive Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I feel you.

My little cousin took a hard hit, now he does pot and possibly other drugs, and steals when and what he can for money even from his family. I don't know what to do, and I'm a superperfectionist soo I don't do anything if I don't think I can do it perfectly, but I've been asking myself the question, "Is it better to do something even if it's not perfect, or do nothing at all and not have the risk of failure or making the situation worse?"

Keep taking care of yourself. I don't know what to tell you, cause I don't know what to do myself. But keep taking care of yourself, so when an opportunity comes to you to do something, you'll be STRONG enough to take it on. :hug: Good luck
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:iconbattlebrothertherix:
battlebrothertherix Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Is it better or not?
Well, wouldn't it be better to do something that isn't perfect, but improves it, rather than to simply ignore it?
If you try, and come up with something that isn't completely perfect, at least you've done something. Besides, your situation isn't anything to do with trying to 'perfect' your cousin, it's trying to stop him doing things that will destroy him.
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:iconmarl0wm0nday:
Marl0wM0nday Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Student General Artist
How sad it is, that your life is going great, but your friends are depressed and hurting themselves! How can they do this to you! How dare they change and grow up!!
People change, you will. It may not always be for the best, but change is the spice of life. It's growing up. You can't stop it, you have to adapt and make the best of it.
When I was 16, I changed a lot...to become who I wanted to be and I don't regret any of it. Some of my friends had a hard time with it, others accepted it right away. Same goes for some of my bestfriends who changed a lot. I choose to stick with them because deep down, they are still my friends.
If you can't accept that...too bad for you.
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:iconword-of-wisdom:
Word-of-wisdom Featured By Owner May 15, 2013
It's not that they changed. It's that they changed into a person who harms themselves and others.
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:iconmarl0wm0nday:
Marl0wM0nday Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Student General Artist
If they harm themselves, maybe that's because they're in pain..sometimes you can't help that?? And I say this as someone who went through cutting and depression and drugs/alcohol abuse. I never told anyone about it, because I'm aware that I can hurt others through what I do to myself.
But looking back, I wish I would've been strong enough to talk to others...not to get them down, but to get help. I think it's selfish to be 'mad' at someone who's suffering. Of course, someone who only complains and is comfortable in his situation and does nothing to get better is a pain in the ass. People who are only there to talk about their problems and never listen to others are terrible friends. People can'r 'guess' if you have some things to say to your friends then do so. It's the only way things can get better.
Reply
:iconatrixfromice:
Atrixfromice Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my lord :tears:....that just got me...
You know that I know your pain mate!! :hug: I've been feel that way too with many people I've meet!
I've learned though, that the only thing you can actually do to stop the world from fall appart in pieces, it's to be honest with yourself and the people arround you, to be honest on who you are, and to keep trying your best! Because when you do that you become an example, a role model for people, and then when they are ready to try and change, then they'll chose you as example and they'll become better people! :aww: So I hope you feel better to know, that if you want to help, thats the best help :D Being a good person, and keep your best doing right!
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:icondarthcynic:
DarthCynic Featured By Owner May 15, 2013
This seems remarkably similar in style to another recent DAS offering [link] and like that other, seems more like an observation than anything particularly secretive. Gives me, at least, the impression that it's the same source and thus less about the sentiments expressed and more about being seen. Somewhat like those who farm upvotes on the likes of a Disqus comment board, it's not really about the content it's about the electronic hit sought by such stunts.

As for the sentiments of people a changin, that's what happens, people have experiences and change over the long term.

Regards the delivery, random font and colour changes aren't much and certainly don't convert plain text into an artistic work - at least not as it is above, if anything they tend to make a piece look messy and difficult to read. It can be done as other examples demonstrate but a few minutes with the likes of MS Word won't deliver the goods, it will just look like a few minutes with MS Word.
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