|Deviant Login||Shop||Join deviantART for FREE||Take the Tour|
queen of nothing.what I've learned:
I still remember singing in my room when I was six, and having my mother come down the hall and slam the door so hard that the windows shook.
Her nails hurt when she scraped the tears off my face. "It doesn't matter what you want," she'd always tell me.
Like, when that drunk driver swerved and hit her car I didn't want her to leave me, and it didn't matter.
Once on vacation I bought a pair of fuzzy leather heels for two hundred dollars, and when I wore them to dinner, I found out that
1. "Suede" is a fancy word for "fuzzy leather."
And 2. Good things don't last: That night my cousin told me that she thought 135 pounds was a little too big for five foot eight. So I tore my tights up to the thigh and threw those new suede heels in the garbage.
It felt good later, to know that they couldn't hate me more than I hate myself.
My six-word story from ninth grade reads, "If I don't laugh, I'll cry."
When I read that treating people like trash to gets them to nee
I am not a stereotypeSlide the blade across your wrist.
"Doesn't it hurt?"
I can't feel anything.
Punch your own stomach.
Does it hurt yet?
"Why do you do that?"
The pain makes me feel alive.
"I don't know."
"What's wrong with you?"
I'm dead inside.
I'm just depressed.
Stare at your arms.
"What are you doing?"
I just have low self esteem.
I'm just human.
I'm just me.
Don'tDon't tell me I'm beautiful.
When i feel disgusting.
Don't Tell me I'm lovely.
When my heart is rusting.
Don't talk to me.
I'm not worth it.
Don't encourage me.
Just let me quit.
Don't touch me.
Don't wish for me.
I'm a prison.
I'm telling you.
Life with me is no fun.
OutcastDirt thrown in my face
Every day I'm alive
Another sneer from you mocking souls
Who don't want me to survive
I am not the letdown of this world
Can't you see it's you?
People who shun the Outcast
Allow the end of the world through
Another fist in the face
Another insult to my spirit
You don't know this Outcast's stronger
And knows you only fear it?
Every scar's got a story
Every drop of blood is a tale
Not a victim but a survivor
Who isn't going to fail
I know I can walk alone
I don't have to depend on another hand
I don't need to be seen by anyone
Silent and alone are the rules for me in this land
I don't belong here
I don't belong anywhere
So I'll just make a space for me
Cause life's never going to be fair
Time to deal with the next day
I can handle another one
I will fight under the name of Outcast
Until my heartbeat's done
Genghis Whenever we were bad my mother used to take us to the mall to see Genghis Kahn. They kept him in a dusty diorama of a Mongolian steppe, all tall grass and yurts. He sat on a throne of bone (well, plastic shaped like bone), scowling in incomprehension at the American kids who flocked around him like startled lemmings. My mother would usually push us toward him, saying things like “Tell him what you did to your father’s stamp collection.” Genghis would give a grunt, spit a wad of phlegm onto the tall grass, and give us a wizened, wrinkled grimace, as if he had to go to the bathroom.
He terrified me.
My brother couldn’t get enough of him.
When my brother got caught in my mother’s evening dress, my mother grabbed us both and dragged us to Genghis. It was a slow day, and we were the only kids crowding him. “Tell him what you did,” my mother hissed a
Keep in Touch!
Lilyas has dedicated herself to making our community a brighter place with her vibrant artwork and infectious enthusiasm for interacting with others in our community. It has certainly paid off, as many deviants flock to her page on a daily basis to let her know how much of an inspiration she is. We absolutely agree, and couldn't let all that hard work go without recognition, so it's with great pride that we bestow the Deviousness Award for March 2014, to ... Read More