The Secret Teller would also like to say: "How do I find myself? Where do I even begin to look?"
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The sad thing is, we don't know enough to help - if that is what you sought by opening comments. I can't say if calling you parents is a good idea; I don't know them. I can't say if talking to your husband - who knows, ex-husband by now? - can help you. I don't know if you got anyone who can help you.
All I know, is that there are always many options for living, and it's up to you to sort down all you have - all you memories, all your love, hate, favourites and detestables - and find what you know will work. From there, you choose the thing you like most and build a good fundament if you don't already have one. However, I don't know your standing, I don't know you and I certainly don't completely understand your situation, so I'm might as well be shooting blanks. I hope it helps however. Because sometimes, it's the blanks that bring the smile. Not the "bad guy" falling down.
Start small. Call up someone who loves you back home, and talk to them. It may help a lot more than you'd think. It sucks to be so unhappy, but there are people who love you and want to help you out. Good luck.
I bet it all, that one tiny call to the parents...and they would rescue you! I am sure they are missing you...go back, and start over. My sister did....one day, she got on a plane and let him-and let everything, except the clothes on her back, back there in that miserable place.
think of what you like, what you you don't like. try different things for a day, do things you wouldn't normally do, places you go to places you avoid, go to a place you would normally avoid. the more things you do and try the more you learn. read and watch tv, what do you watch and read, watch and read things you normally wouldn't. pay attention to your dreams, when you wake up what do you remember, how do you feel. what do you want to do with your life, when you are ninety and in a rest home what sort of life would you have liked to have lived, what would you like to have accomplished in your life.
maybe what you did seemed right at that time. we change constantly and the thinks we want change too. take time to listen to your inner voice, try to meditate maybe, try to get to know yourself. i wish you good luck
I can't say if calling you parents is a good idea; I don't know them.
I can't say if talking to your husband - who knows, ex-husband by now? - can help you.
I don't know if you got anyone who can help you.
All I know, is that there are always many options for living, and it's up to you to sort down all you have - all you memories, all your love, hate, favourites and detestables - and find what you know will work. From there, you choose the thing you like most and build a good fundament if you don't already have one.
However, I don't know your standing, I don't know you and I certainly don't completely understand your situation, so I'm might as well be shooting blanks. I hope it helps however.
Because sometimes, it's the blanks that bring the smile. Not the "bad guy" falling down.
The best of luck!
sorry too much maybe, good luck and enjoy XD