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LifelineI hate how I look;
The bags beneath my eyes.
I hate who I am;
The endless torrent of lies.
Sometimes I do things I know I shouldn't
And I don't do things I know I should,
Only that I could and would,
Because that's how people work.
Everyone has motives
And nobody is selfless
In this world that doesn't want
Everyone's gonna die
And I'm not gonna lie;
Sometimes that thought is the only thing
That gets me through the day.
I miss my old razor blade;
Scissors don't go deep enough
This red isn't my favorite shade;
I like it purer,
Then I could be surer
That I'm a threat to myself.
I'm trying to cut down,
As apposed to cutting everything else,
But I doubt I'll ever stop
Because every slash,
Every bloody drop,
The whole crimson rash,
I'm still alive
And I am
I want to be....I want to be one of those girls
The ones with the three inch gap between their thighs and the stick thin legs.
One of those teenagers
Who you see in the street with their arms all sliced up.
One of those children
Who don't have to count everything.
One of those kids
Who have a boyfriend and are never alone.
One of those students
Who has loads of friends.
One of those people
Who can be just 'Fine'.
But I want to be Normal.
I want to be able to eat.
I want to be able to not cut.
I want to be able to just relax.
I want to be able to not be alone.
I want to be able to make friends.
I want to be just fine.
I admit it. I self harm. I know what you all think, and the answer is no, I don't do it for attention. I do it for a sense of control. I do it so I don't have to feel the emotional pain anymore.
Many people think that it's easy for self harmers to stop, but newsflash: it's not. The first cut is always the shallowest, the wondering, the curiosity. The first cut is the one that's the most dangerous. Because that first cut is the one that's going to make you addicted.
And believe me, you will get addicted. Because when you make that first 'innocent' slice across your skin, the short-term relief that comes with it will leave you in ecstasy. I'm not trying to make you think that self harm is glorious in any way, because it's not. The scars that come with it become so annoying that you wonder why you ever self harmed in the first place. You get mad at yourself, since you can't wear short sleeves anymore. And then that anger at yourself turns into more self harming.
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More