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Secret. 12583 by DeviantArtSecret Secret. 12583 by DeviantArtSecret
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SirNait Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013
I have a lot of friends like that. Not everyone CAN share what is in their heads. They are scared of beeing seen different from the way you see them right now. Time is the best healer. So what i use to do in that hard moments is forget about my happiness and get a way to get him happy. Result: we both end up happy like always. Everyone try to help. Don't be like everyone if it doesn't work, you are his best friend! each person is a world.
XShadow-Wolf-DemonX Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Student Writer
I guess I am a psychologist now.

Funny considering I've started seeing a psychiatrist.
DorkyAmerikkalainen Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013
Even though I have no clue who wrote this secret... I am that best friend, and I only wish that my best friend had wanted to help me when she got the chance. But instead, she ignored me. She made everything about her. Now we're no longer friends, and I can barely stand to look her in the eye.
AngelitaDelaCruz Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional General Artist
Yeah, I'm feeling this with my ex
Sevenark Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012
I have the same problem, she is always there to help me, but she does'nt let me help her... I want to do something... I want to see her smile again...
Lovensita Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm so sorry </3
14756abc Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012
i think he doesn't want to trouble you...

seeing u've problem is hurting him/her, so he don't wanna make ur problem bigger by telling u
his/her problem
Kawaii-Shivii Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I have the same problem...
I'm a terrible friend.
VampyreoftheNight Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Student Writer
My bffl became my therapist and then she beat the crap out of me one day cause I tried to help her. I regret it now
Luvstruck3 Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012
Well mabye there just the type of people who don't like to talk about there problems
MandieDaFerocious Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I fell into the same problem.
I made friends with this guy, and at that time I was going through tough stuff.
I told him a lot, and one day he said "I feel like I'm always saying sorry to you."

weezie4798 Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah i know the feeling. My best friend acts like im crazy or something and complains that all I ever do is talk about my problems but if she would just open up...
Dudasky Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012
I experienced this too!! What a shit!
robinluver Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012
ya, i'm the friend that all ways has to help
TrueImmortality Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
I know you're probably not looking for advice, but I am one of those people who likes to use their own brand of "therapy" on people they consider valuable. :) So, my advice: every person, at one point in their life, is either the divulging friend or the therapist friend. It could take days or years for these positions to switch. One day, their need will be greater than yours, and they will make it known to you. But that's only if you stay friends with them; don't give up on them too soon, because it doesn't sound like they've given up on you. I believe that most friendships can become great if you just stick it out and keep your friend's needs above you own. It doesn't always work out, but if you give them another chance, at least you will have the satisfaction of saying "I did all I could to stay friends with you, but sometimes these things just aren't meant to be."
catchaotica Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
HappyLionHorse Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Wow... This is how my friend and I use to act until a few phone calls ago, trust me. Just stick around and show you care, ask them if their ok and if they need to talk about anything. But don't push them! Trust me, it will get better ^^
delightfulanimefreak Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I'm a psychologist--well--according to this. It's really weird, how I can easily listen to other people's problems, and am able to solve their issues, but I can't open up to them as easily. I think maybe how it is, is that in my mindset, "If I can solve other people's problems, then I can solve my own." Is it pride? Or is it also some kind of fear of becoming vulnerable. It's hard for my own self to let out those feelings. Lastly, it could be being picky. Being a "psychologist," I find that I am a listener, but I can't find the right person who is the same as me, even though someone offers to listen--again with the "pride." Idk, it all kind of ties together.

just thought I'd share with the stream of comments ha
Jepuisadore17 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
Maybe they don't tell because if you don't care enough to stick around them regardless, then why should they? What's the point? You should be there for them throughout. Not to say that feeling useless doesn't suck, but maybe they just need you to laugh and be happy, and see that your problems are getting better. Then They feel better from it, and you're both okay.
Yes, it's possible to smile and tell yourself to find good experiences, and honestly feel better.
CaptainOzz Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
As a psychiatric nurse, it's really, really common for your patient to take you on board their emotional and psychological ship as it crosses the ocean of their issues and you become more than a therapist, you become their friend, a shoulder to lean on, someone to carry them when they cannot continue.
Sometimes you take the helm for them, sometimes you adjust their rigging, tend to their sails and eventually you take port and let them sail away.
My point is that, although you become their friend, their steers(wo)man, you always maintain a demeanor of calmness and helpfulness.
Your friend isn't a psychologist, because psychologists employ therapy, your friend is more like a psychiatric nurse.
And yeah, it's true, we're the best liars in the industry...

But I digress; your friend may feel like your problems overshadow their own, they may feel embarrassed or as if they are burdening you by sharing their issues with them, this is very common.
I have a friend whom I dearly, dearly love and she's got issues that she's discussed with me and anything I could complain about to her I would feel to be exceedingly trivial in comparison, don't get me wrong, she's amazing, beautiful and so very strong, but I couldn't honestly tell her if I had a problem or discuss it with her... In short, accept that s/he is there for you and there to help you, because ultimately, as I always say to my friend, that's what friends are there for.

Maybe, one day, try telling your friend that you're fine, talk to them and smile with them, don't discuss your problems or issues for a day and see if you feel more at ease with your friendship there.

However, I'm not advocating that you lie to your friend, just try it out once and if it works for you, then maybe you'll feel like the friendship is working again... And if you have serious, complex problems, there are people out there that can help you, professionals, like myself.

Sources: I'm a psychiatric nurse, I get paid for this. (:
KirikouYuki Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Quite frankly this particular 'secret' is kind of biased. To automatically assume that friendship can only take on one form and can only mean that you 'help each other' is somewhat naive. There's all sorts of people in the world and no two friendships are exactly the same.

Very simply put. Everyone deals with problems in his or her own way. And it doesn't mean that if you're the kind of person who will freely talk about anything/problems, you're somehow automatically 'entitled' to have another person be just as open about everything to you. Be glad you have a friend that's willing to listen at all, there's also plenty of 'friends' that couldn't care less about another's problems.

Some people like to figure things out for themselves.

Perhaps this particular individual should take a good look at what a friendship really entails, or do as you normally do and talk about your issue with your 'best friend' before you throw away something priceless. Perhaps make an effort into understanding why a person doesn't talk to you about certain things rather than expecting that they somehow 'should'.

Besides, if you go to a friend and automatically expect to be given something in return, isn't it 'your end' of the friendship that is questionable?
Yolashillinia Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I prefer to call her my therapist. :D
TwinsOfAwesomeness Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Student Writer
It's okay for them to not be the type of person to talk about their own problems. There are other ways you can help. It took me a long time, but my best friend is the same way and I grew used to it. Sometimes I feel a bit useless, but I try to offer whatever I can that seems to help her--even if it's not talking.
BipolarQeen Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
Actually I never talk about my problems, at least the ones that really bothers me, but it's not like I want to shout people out of my life, I'm that way, and the friends I have know that and have no problems about it. Maybe your friend is like me, or maybe he knows you have problems and he doesn't want to share his problems with you because he doesn't want to make you worry or sad. It doesn't matter if he talks about himself with you or not, the only important thing is that he is by your side, that's what friendship is. Try to accept him, instead of reject him.
sCissoRsmei Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
more difficult to open up if you're the humorous "psychologist"...
ZachDoug Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
    Sort of the same thing happening to me now. Except, that friend decided to never talk to me again so they didn't have to face telling me about their break up. I lost a friend because they would rather bottle their emotions than be friends with me. I couldn't call someone my best friend if they abandoned me over something that never had anything to do with our friendship.
ieatb3ars Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
Some people are too proud to ask for help; some too ashamed; some too scared.

To me, a best friend is someone who understands you and accepts your particular oddities. They stick by you through thick and thin but don't necessarily always need to agree with you. They'd be the one to tell you the truth when most people hide it. And, of course they'd offer to help when times are tough. And, even when you turn them down, they still try to discreetly find ways to help you out in whatever way they can (whether it means taking you out to dinner, trying to bring some joy into your life, etc.).

To the submitter: I don't understand why there needs to be reciprocity in problem-sharing. Just because you like to spill your guts doesn't mean others HAVE to as well. Maybe you should consider being a better friend and make their lives more comfortable when you're around them instead of probing for the problem? People tend to reveal their troubles in the most odd and mundane situations where they haven't been pressed to wear their hearts on their sleeves.

And when you can't even deal with your own problems and have to confide in another, how would another person feel comfortable telling you their problems to add to your burden? "Let's be miserable together!" said no one.

KawaiiDolls88 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Student Artist
It's scary how much this fits me and my friend. Except the fact we're still friends.
verriterriberri Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
Some people feel more burdened when they share their problems, or saying it out loud can make it seem all the more real and frightening, so they prefer not to share
MPgirl911 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I feel like this would be me. I never ask my friends for help because I feel my problems would just pale in comparison, so it doesn't matter, but they tell me every problem, no matter how insignificant it seems compared to their others, and then they tell me, "you know, I'm always there for you if you need it." I just will never use there shoulder to cry on.
nightmaric-melodies Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
Wow. This is just... wow. What a powerful reminder that friendship is a two way street, in both giving and receiving. I used to be the one that never shared, so this is a big "oh so that's why my friends would get upset" eye-opener. Fantastic. Thanks to whoever shared this secret!
ToxxicAsphyxiate Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
I agree with both sides of the arguements below xD
I understand hurting when someone can't/won't share their problems and let you help them. Its cold and it feels like they can't trust you sometimes, even if they're saying thats not how it is.
As me, the ever-psychologist, I also understand not wanting to burden people, not wanting to be weak, not 'needing' help with problems. I'm an emotional bottler and after losing the one person I trusted, I'm permanently on this side... So yes, this hurts, but at the same time, I don't think its a reason to stop being friends!!!
TheBroodMother Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
Punch her in the head.
NinjaGirlKikio Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Student General Artist
wow, this sounds just like how me and my ex-friend used to be
XxRockFiendxX Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
ShadowGilgamesh Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
As someone on the "doesn't share their problems" end of this I can tell the source to fuck right off. If you're gonna ditch a friend JUST because they're the type to deal with their problems themselves then you're the terrible friend here, not them.
Pilotslover Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Pretty much what I was thinking too ... people deal with their problems in different ways.
ScilicetNimisVirgo Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I am the physiologist a lot, often though, my friend never asks in return.
Yume-wo-egaku-yo Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
wow..I have a friend who is always telling me his problems and I offer help when I can. He knows I have problems of my own but I never want to share them with him. I guess I just feel like it would be a burden when he's already going through so much. I don't like to vent to people,it feels like i'm giving them my problems to carry.
kokoro13 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
Wow, if this person has to listen to this kind of contrived whining, no wonder they don't want to share their problems with you. Look at yourself, they're giving you so much and you're STILL demanding? If you give yourself the right to feel victimized over something like this, HOW do you think you're stable enough to help your friend? Sounds like they know you can't be relied upon to help. OR it sounds like after listening to your made-up problems for so long, they don't want to be anything like this needy entitled barnacle. I know that happened to me. When I had a friend like you, I decided "I am NEVER going to be as weak, whiny, and self-involved as her. I'm never going to blindly burden my friends with my lame problems like her." And even though I had actual problems, I bottled them up in a reaction to this disgusting girl.
Whether your situation is different or not, you're STILL putting your needs ahead of your friends. All I hear is me, me, me, me. I feel sorry for your friend. I hope is doesn't take them as long to shake you off as it took me to liberate myself from my parasite.
Whes Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Professional Writer
You nailed it! All I here is "me, me, me," too. Telling someone "you're not my friend because you won't let me help you" is as much as to say "you're not my friend because you have boundaries." It's classic entitlement, and it's very backward and destructive. Good job for seeing through it. :heart:
kokoro13 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
Thank you! That's so lovely to hear. It's been such a rewarding personal journey and I don't talk about it a lot, so to hear someone applaud like that is REALLY heart-warming :)
Whes Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Professional Writer
Well, gosh! If that's how it is, let me applaud you even louder! :#1: Because yeah, having the courage and strength to take care of yourself and not let other people encroach on your personal boundaries is one of the most important things you can possibly do! It's not just good for yourself, it's also actually good for others, too. And it's a really, really hard step to take if you've been conditioned all your life to be self-sacrificing. So let me repeat, good for you! I'm not even kidding: just that single step alone is really amazing and inspiring. :heart: I'm so glad you're in a happier place now. Keep up the good work!

(Incidentally, you might enjoy this video: [link] It talks about vulnerability and feeling worthy of love and belonging, which are really important to this idea of taking care of yourself--and taking care of others, too. Enjoy!)
kokoro13 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
You know it's amazing and yet actually not surprising that you reference feeling worthy of love in conjunction with this, because during the years that I was letting manipulative people run my life, I was in such a serious pit of depression and felt like I'd never get my self-worth back. When you're friends with someone manipulative and insincere, they force you to be insincere as well in order to play along with their games. The only way NOT to be insincere is to say out loud "I know what you're doing. FUCKING KNOCK IT OFF." And I think this level of insincerity was contributing so much to me not feeling worthy of love. I had definitely conditioned myself to be self-sacrificing, until I realized that these rotten people weren't worth it. Incidentally, it took me meeting someone who was a lot closer to being truly worthless to realize how much value I actually had. Thanks for the video! Haha I'm a theatre student, and we talk ALL about vulnerability.
kokoro13 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
Unfortunately, I let people like this stay in my life for far too long and I know how entitled delusion works. They simply don't understand boundaries and can't accept that their obsessive need for your isn't mutual. However, it has taught not to NEVER let someone like this gnaw their way back into my life, and I'm eight hundred times happier now that I've gotten them out :)
Whes Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Professional Writer
I'm very happy for you! Way to go for keeping such people out of your life. :) Good for you! :heart: Keep it up. :)
xXPhoenixAngelXx Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
How did you get all of that... from those few lines in the art? Not being rude, yes I disagree, but just curious.
kokoro13 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
Because I have been in the position of this friend that they're complaining about. I get a lot from it because this sounds exactly like the parasitic friend of mine who used to dump all over me and then wonder why I didn't feel comfortable returning the favour. I'm empathizing, but not with the speaker.
sasorifan132617 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
this is awesome
Ophelos Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
So a person is about to dump their "best friend" because said "best friend" won't follow the advice of this person who's been using them as an emotional dumpster for who knows how long? Because the advice coming from someone who's under heaps of stress and needs someone else to be their unpaid psychiatrist always turns out to be legitimate, right?

Oh, yes, how dare your friend listen to all of your issues and then keep their own quiet because they have the strength and will to try and solve their own problems while trying to carry your burden at the same time. What gall they have to be so selfless and actually be your unpaid psychiatrist, they really need to be more on the ball and be as blindly self-centered as you are.

You ungrateful little twerp.
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November 24, 2012
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