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Fatal LoversYou and I are the definition of fatal attraction,
like a serotonin deficiency to the pretty side of the blade,
like the heavy-hearted pebble that wants to trails its lips across still waters,
like sun-bleached and wind-whipped birch paper to the lustful licks of shadow-dancing candle flame.
I expect everything to fail - us, no exception -
because having to hold my hopes up is far too hard on my limbs,
when my wrists just want to bleed out,
my shoulder blades still ache from tearing out my wing span,
and my fingertips burn from when they learnt to trust, and then couldn't hold on when that trust fell out from under them.
You say you carry far too much baggage whenever you take a trip to my heart,
when you trip,
and fall into love.
But I'll be your suitcase,
your luggage cart,
the entire fucking cargo hold of as many airplanes as you will ever need.
Because having no baggage means you're only here temporarily,
and I want you for so much longer than that.
I want you to pack up your
the first poem i wrote since i told you i love youthe star-soaked stains
that covered our nudity
gives way at last
to a tequila sunrise,
so low in the sky;
it's still bright enough
to sting my eyes,
and yet i can't bring myself
to hate it.
your body next to mine,
every effort is made
to move a heavy limb
because any space
is space i don't want.
i am sometimes humbled
by my feelings,
the way they swell
in my throat
just how the ocean
tastes the shore.
there is always something new
to find hidden in my heart,
summoned by my words,
or the salt of your skin
wearing like wind on shale
i don't think i can ever tell you
i love you enough.
if i could, i would never get dressed
so that you could never be sad-
a rewind every time
my clothes touch the floor,
never anything but nude, not naked
because with you i can be bare
i can let you see my entirety
and leave my arms uncrossed,
i can let you in
and not fear that you will break me,
or force my inner things out.
i can love you with open arms
and my lip
on skimming the surfacedear ex-lovers,
dear ex-friends, dear little brother,
i have taken all the posters down and my room is a skeleton.
i wonder why you are sad and i am not.
i have taken time and care to grow into these walls
to plant memories here, first fuck
first sleepless night, first question of suicide,
i have collected bones-
here see them in my closet-
i have broken them all.
love was not strong enough to keep me here,
and love is not strong enough, after
yes i ami hope they get what they want and get married and i hope when he fucks her outside of the motel he's gone back far back into his head but his eyes are looking at her and they're bleeding red. i hope she cries and i hope she realizes that he's going to change and there won't be anymore. "you're pretty like stolen skin is pretty," or "sweetie please don't go to bed without me" it will just be her head hitting the back of the bed and their walls will be cream colored and his lips are betraying her for the blunt or the bottle or the bong
i hope they have three kids and i hope they're the most beautiful people anyone has ever seen and i hope their names are something like macy marina and matthew. i hope macy has his ugly mud eyes and i hope when boys look at them their feet get stuck and she rips them apart just like her mother. i hope marina braids her dishwater hair everyday and i hope every girl she loves loves her back because she's not selfish like her mother or a liar like her father
Where The Fuck Were You?
I told you not to hurt me
And you swore that you would never
You said you'd never leave me
And now you're gone forever
You had me fooled,
Thought you were here to stay
You gave me everything,
Then you took it away
You said that you were just like me
But you don't know who the fuck I am
You don't know anything about me
Because you couldn't ever give a damn
You hurt me constantly
You don't care for me
You weren't there for me
Like you said you'd be
When I needed a friend
And didn't know what to do
When I needed your help,
Where the fuck were you?
You said you'd always be here,
You swore you'd never break my heart
But tell me, where the fuck were you
When my world fell apart?
You never knew
what you meant to me
But you ruined everything
Now you'll never see
You don't know
What I've been through
You never wanted to
And I stood by you,
Through all your shit
But when I had my problems,
You just fucking quit
You forgot about me,
Like we never were
And you left me here,
To be with
EveI don't know whether to call her buttercup, or snapdragon, because she's never seemed like a flower petal to me. More like a pussy willow, or a foxtail thistle. The kind of plant that grows by dusty highways and make ups truck driver bouquets.
She walks like she's got eggshells under her toe nails, and she whispers like every word that passes those lips is a sin.
She makes me want to grow old with her, but she says "happily ever after" sounds more like a curse than a promise, and I've never been one to swear at an angel.
She's got a tattoo of Eve on her right side, and she once told me that humans are only the offspring of Eve sleeping with the snake - that she didn't know how good she had it until Adam walked away. And that nobody wants an angel, because feathers seem suffocating when you don't have wings of your own, and venom always tastes sweeter than wine.
Fuck ItFuck all the words you said
Fuck the love we shared
Fuck the pain you feel
Fuck your pathetic attempts
Fuck your stupid smile
Fuck your fucking lies
Fuck the tears i shed
Fuck this stupid poem
Fuck what i mean
Fuck trying to understand
Fuck off out of my life
Fuck your fucking comments
Fuck you and your fucking heart
Fuck your addictions, yes theres more then one
Fuck your fucking mind games
Fuck your fucking hugs
You know what mate.....FUCK YOU!!!!
FuckHave you ever
heard me screaming?
No? Dumb you!
Have you ever
seen me leaving?
No? Blind you! Fuck you!
Fuck all your trials for
Have you ever
How deep inside
You are in me...
Fuck you! -
For your lies,
For my cries,
Which you never answered,
For your ice
For words with which you
For my lost
For your eyes
which are never bright,
For your steps,
which are never right...
When you were
My life's first
on sitting across from a stranger at davis libraryi wonder if anyone has ever sat
across from you and wrote a poem about you
even though they don't know you.
i wonder if anyone has ever done
this for me. i hope when you go home
you don't wash your hair. i like that it's messy
and long. if i were a ladybug i would like to sleep
there. i would tunnel just beneath the top layer
and shudder my wings to a close and have dreams of fields
of wheat. i hope you can see how this is a good thing.
and i hope you don't change your clothes. i hope you wear
a sweater everywhere you go. i like that the one you're wearing now
is brown and without a pattern. its not ambitious or pretentious. if i
were a flea, i'd perch on your shoulder for company until i got hungry.
i wouldn't bite you and wouldn't know why in my tiny insect mind.
i hope you never wear contacts, and i hope sometime you fall
asleep with your glasses on. i hope you never talk on the telephone
except once a week to your grandmother. i hope you never peel your stickers
off your laptop, no
[transmissions of a dead girl]i am the
moon: i am
the silver pill
to weigh down
into leaden eyes--
i am the
of the dark.
the stars are
all dead in their
you'll be safe, dear,
as i am the moon,
with all of your
(i am good bye and yet,
you think only of romantic
i am the moon.
i am the crescent
and dead altogether,
i still die.
All Here For A ReasonI turned onto a shady, well-manicured driveway that, for all intents and purposes, looked harmless enough. Maple trees lined both sides of the street, and a parade of Canadian geese marched across the road to a wide duck pond with a flamboyant fountain. There were blooming crepe myrtles and rose-of-sharons, and as I grew closer to my destination, neatly trimmed gardens with neatly trimmed bushes.
I stopped to let the geese pass. They looked at me; one hissed. I honked my horn and moved around them.
At the end of the road sat a collection of grayish buildings and a number of signs directing me to the appropriate parking lot. "Welcome to Ten Creeks Hospital," said one of them. "Please enjoy your stay." I parked in the visitor's lot. Surely I wouldn't be staying.
I was shaking when I got out of my car. I had spent the morning getting high. One foot in front of the other, flip-flop noises, hot sidewalk. Mulberry and magnolia trees, freshly shaved grass. A bench and pan for smokers. A set o
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