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I think it's time I told my story.
My name is Lani, and I am 17 years old. At the age of 14, I was cyber abused by a guy who thought it was amusing to force me to do things on webcam for his entertainment, using the lack of trust between my parents and I as a form of blackmail. I have never gotten over this.
I have been a self harmer for three years, and in that time attempted suicide 7 times, however never bad enough to end up in A&E. This has made me afraid to take medication and even when I am in extreme pain, I will be reluctant to take any form of painkiller. A year ago, I met a man who I thought could change my life. But in the end, he ended up making my situation worse because I wanted to do all I could to help him, but you can't help someone who didn't want to be helped. This made me suicidal, and made it that I had to see a therapist, whom proved that I had the symptoms of clinical depression. I couldn't eat without being ill, I could
to be sadto be sad
would to be
feeling fresh air
in withered lungs.
instead i sit,
in stagnant misery,
and weeping wounds
and opened wounds
and clotted blood.
to hear the walls
chatter with criticisms
is an ache in my heart,
to know that i am of
empty worth in the eyes
my efforts are passed by
under the single blue eye
overseeing the universe.
i am unknown,
to be sad with my tears wiped away
would be the kindest motion
the fates could bestow.
my biggest feargoin to bed like
suddenly i hear my fan
SEE IT WOBBLEING
get up to turn itoff like
once it turns off im like
go back to sleep like
Make gif stories easily: That's So True.com!
SometimesSometimes I just feeling like crying,
Like screaming and dying
But I've gotten so good at lying,
You'd never ever guess.
Sometimes I talk and talk and talk,
Or simply go for a walk
Sometimes I'm cheese and sometimes chalk,
Who even is Me?
Sometimes I hate them and you,
Everyone else too
But then I don't have a clue
'Cause it hurts to be this lonely.
Sometimes I forget it all,
Stand proud and tall
But then I fall
And I'm in Hell again.
AndromedaAmongst the darkened skies
Brightened by only starlight
Field & Sea.
Gravity is only an afterthought
Hilltops become ladders into the sky while
Inferior planets stare down upon the Earth
Jealous of such simplicity yet contemplating grandeur.
Keppler only thought of science
Linear, elliptical, movement…
Mythology had no such thoughts
Neptune & Nebulas both inhabit space
Orbiting across the lonely darkness
Probably never worried about mundane things
Questioning their existence
Right now or for all eternity such as us.
Shooting stars make us joyful while
Terminator is an otherworldly spectacle
Unknown to all those hidden in their houses
Various stars await us outside
Waiting to play like we did before
Xenagogue & inviting
Youthful but ancient curiosities.
Zenith induced euphoria continues until daylight…
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More